Questions to Ask Your Partner Before You Get Engaged (or Married!)
I was raised by a therapist. Always my mom’s favorite patient, my mom once shared a thought on marriage that she’s imparted on one of her less blood-related clients. The client was being flippant about the decision to get married to someone she was not yet convinced would be a great partner. My mom shared with her (and then with me) her prevailing thought on the importance of a marriage decision:
“In your life, you only get to choose one family member. You don’t pick your parents, you don’t pick your siblings, you don’t pick your children.”
I let this sentiment quietly haunt me for years. What if I made the wrong decision? How can anyone know for sure that they are ready to make the leap?
Years later, I can report that I’m writing this to you happily married. I worked through my anxiety with tools imparted to me by the same mother who scared me senseless about my decision. We can never fully know a person before getting engaged or married, but that’s the beauty of the journey. You launch off where you launch off and you commit to a life of learning and growing together, side by side. We don’t hold each other in the places we were when we make our vows, but embark on the path of transforming little by little over time. I viewed it then (and still view it now) as life’s greatest adventure.
That said, my wife and I wanted to share with you a list of questions to review with one another before getting engaged (or married) to begin to foster those deep, meaningful conversations that will define the rest of your lives. Our goal is to help you grow even closer and understand one another as you get ready to embark on the most beautiful journey of your life.
- What’s the most valuable lesson you learned from your last relationship?
- What is something you try to actively avoid in life?
- Ten years from now, what do you think you will miss the most about today?
- If a crystal ball could tell you one truth, what would you ask?
- What would you do with an extra $1000 to spend only on yourself?
- Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?
- What would you do in life if money weren’t an issue?
- What is the one rule you have for yourself that you will never break
- What’s the most important value you would teach a young person?
- What’s something that you hate seeing other people do?
- What’s one quality you wish you had that you don’t?
- What is the accomplishment you’re are most proud of?
- Where do you see us in five years time? In ten years time?
- What is your favorite childhood memory?
- What memory instantly makes you smile?
- What change did you make in your life that you are most proud of?
- What bridges are you happy you burned?
- What is the most sentimental gift you have received?
- What do you wish we could spend more time on?
- What childhood dream have you accomplished?
- What does your ideal day look like at the age of 65?
- When do you feel the most protected and taken care of?
- What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
- What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?
- What advice would you give your younger self?
- How do you cope with sadness?
- What do you choose to ignore because it’s too difficult to bear?
- Have you ever felt like a complete and utter failure?
- Do you believe in fate? If so, name an experience that has validated it.
- Who in your life do you wish you met sooner?
- What is the part of your daily routine that you look forward to every day?
- Who else do you count on as a source of support?
- Aside from money, what one thing have you gained from your current job?
- What’s your most useless talent?
- Where do you feel most at peace and ease outside of the home?
- What’s one thing you would change about your mother?
- What’s one thing you miss most about your father?
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